Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
