I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you didnt know i had herpes?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
