I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
