i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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