i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
