i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
