Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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