I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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