theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
