After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
