Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
