I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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