sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
