I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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