I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
