I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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