i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
