Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
