I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
