I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
