Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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