What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Randomize
