shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
