3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
