I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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