There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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