You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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