I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
