It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
