Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
