"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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