Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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