The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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