What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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