There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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