I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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