so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
