Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
