Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
