Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
