I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
