I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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