Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
