By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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