she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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