The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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