i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
