my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
