my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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