Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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